The REST of the Story...

In Disney speak, "It's a brand new world".  After decades of going to work daily and answering to the powers that be, I handed in my resignation and planned for what Paul Harvey called, "the rest of the story."  I gave a month's notice.  In my resignation letter,  I expressed appreciation to my final employer for the opportunities I'd been given, the relationships that were forged and the privilege of serving with a team of  genuinely caring individuals doing great work that mattered.   I wished for them God's blessing as they continued the work I would leave behind.  

To quote myself (and why not?) 

"It's been a high calling--it's just no longer mine. "  

(more about that in another post)

#comingsoon

In what seems like a mere twinkling of the eye,  two months have passed.  It really is a "brand new world!" The most frequently asked question has been, "so, what are you doing? "   Mostly I reply with a smile and a wink and the words "Whatever I want."  It just flies out of my mouth.  It's a joyous thing. I'm not gloating, just enjoying.    All that aside, for those of you truly  interested in more details, here's a stroll through  some of the things (in addition to posting again) that have been keeping me occupied  these last eight weeks.  I share it with you #because I can. 

'Got this close to Dr. Ben Carson and his wife, Candy and heard him speak.
#becauseimwithben

                                             

This was the beginning of Beef Bourguignon.  I've done a LOT of cooking…
#becauseican
#becauseihavemorethantenminutes

With some savvy sous chefs….
#becausetheysaidYAY

'Not gonna lie, I've eaten  a little pizza with the littles…
#becausepizza

Took some long walks with some short legs…
#becauseitmakesforgoodnaps

Took a KickBoxing Class with my Sister-In-Love, Christine
#becausewewerebrave

Took a little  road trip with the husband to see our Michelle…
#becausesandiego #notengland 

Hung out with some famous folks…
#becausewelikeronnie

Stopped to smell the roses…
#becausewecan

Made a new friend in my own back yard,
#becausehecame

#becausetimetobeentertained...

Enjoyed lunch at Terranea with peeps I love…
#becausecousins

Enjoyed the artist at work
#becauseminnie

I've read a LOT of books. I could only hold a few…
#becauseican

Adjusting to being home with this guy everyday and trying not to drive him crazy.
#becauseican

Celebrated a birthday with the fam'
#becausewelovehim
#atlastcafe
#becauseyoushould

Story is not over…more to come...
#becausegrateful

We Plan and God Laughs

It wasn't the vacation we hoped for.  Nor the one we planned. To say I wouldn't change a thing would be silly, but, it was still was what we intended: a mission of mercy but also a gift of grace. 

A little over a year ago, the call came from our dear 82 year old friend, Jean.  She began with faltering voice saying, "I have some bad news."  The conversation revealed that her beloved husband, and our dear, sweet friend, Jack, had died after a sudden and awful illness.  

Bereft that we were so far away, we made a conscious decision that we would not jump on a plane to fly cross country in order to attend Jack's memorial service.  We knew there would be a massive amount of caring, loving people who could and would be there for those immediate and difficult good byes.  Instead, we sent heartfelt cards and a care package designed to comfort our friend  while putting off  plans to travel to her.  A few months down the road when everyone else had returned to their lives and homes and our Jean would welcome the company, we would travel to be with her.

With that in mind, my sweet girl and I juggled our calendars and planned our trip to Maryland.  The husband would mind the home fires and we girls would wing our way to our old home town and our sweet Jean.   

We were just  a little worried when several days before our scheduled trip, one year old Minnie showed signs of a virus of some sort.  Suffice it to say it was messy and it involved a fever.  Next, Ruby, age 6, got an 8  hour dose of what took Minnie several days to conquer.  But, it seemed that  we were nearly home free. Then, as fate would have it,  the night before our flight, my girl started feeling icky. Lying on a pillow on the kitchen floor icky.   Then there was a  monster headache and all the aforementioned symptoms.  

A decision was made that the husband and I would collect the little ones and they and I would brave the flight alone, giving Momma a day to rest and recover.  And we zipped into action. Oh. My. Did we zip! 

The husband delivered us all to LAX and somehow  a then six year old, 15 month old and I navigated three suitcases, two back packs and a big orange purse to curbside check in.  (Thank you, Lord, for curbside baggage check!)  We sailed through security and were at our gate with time to spare.

The flight was the proverbial can of sardines.  We had two seats for two little ones and myself and we snagged an aisle and center seat.  A lovely Indian woman was relegated to the window seat and proved to be an angel in disguise.  She immediately introduced herself as Julie, and spent a good part of our five hour flight entertaining six year old, Ruby, while I juggled Minnie.  All in all, we managed well.

We arrived at BWI to meet our dear friends Rick and Patricia, who not only picked us up but came armed with car seats for our little ones and provided a portable crib for Minnie to use.  They delivered us to Jean's warm home on the Crofton Parkway.  We were exhausted but, delighted to have reached our destination!

The next day was spent  visiting with Jean in her warm and beautiful home.  She bustled around like a wet hen making sure we had enough to eat and anything and everything we might need.  Late that afternoon Amanda arrived, declaring she was good as new! Having recovered overnight,  she arrived along with her hubby who was able to join our adventure between work assignments. 

Jean and Ru at the O's game!

He made plans to take us all to an Oriole game in Baltimore, and procured tickets.  It was such a fine night.   My last trip to an O's game was when the stadium was  brand new and my own parents were with us.  It was sweet to recall being with them in that place and now to be there with my girl and her little family and our Jean.  We did it right,  with hot dogs and cheering and the seventh inning stretch.  And, our team won!  (Thank you, boys!)  It was a lovely night with Jean, who hadn't been to a game since prior to Jack's passing. 

When we got home, we talked through our plans for the coming week…there'd be ribs for dinner that night and dinner in Baltimore at Heninger's, a wonderful restaurant in Fell's Point, owned and operated by Jean's daughter Jayne and her husband, Kenny. There would be shopping, because Jean is a Giver (yes, that's a capitol G) and she was determined to lavish gifts on Amanda and her girls.  On Saturday, we'd all be going to Patricia's home for a gathering of old friends who would be coming to see us.  The week was full of promise and we were so excited!  

The next morning, my friend and personal chauffeur, Patricia, whisked me off to breakfast while Amanda and the girls visited with Jean. We headed to Bob Evans for a monster meal, complete with grits. (have I mentioned how I love grits?)  We sat and talked over eggs and bacon and grits and coffee.  We laughed until we cried.  We have the luxury of having shared life together from the times when  our children were small.  I remembered delivering a baby gift for her youngest, Cal (who was recently married) and ice pops for her older children. Back then we were sure if we did it all right that it would turn out all right.  We were hopeless romantics, no?  But, we agreed that although life gets messy,  we still believe, that when all is said and done, it WILL be all right. Because Jesus said so. 

We're still banking on that. 

Making fun on the grounds of Prince of Peace Church

By the time Patricia delivered me back to Jean's, the tide had taken a nasty turn.  Jean was sick. Messy, ugly, in her room and beyond-comfort sick. There was nothing to be done but to offer liquids and prayers for her recovery.  But there would be no ribs that night.  Instead there would be Panera's finest and a trip to the church next door for the kids to play on the swings.  There would be a walk to what was our former townhouse and the sweetness of seeing starfish in the upper windows. Clearly there are kindred spirits now living there. 

By Friday there was no improvement. I urged a visit to the doctor but Jean resisted.  Even so, she insisted we go shopping as planned.  We left for a few hours as ordered.  As instructed, Amanda found a pair of new boots and some small treasures for the girls as well.  We returned with more Panera, this time chicken noodle soup.  By the time we returned, Jean was up and about and attempted with little success to take some in.  By now I was getting more concerned that she was dehydrated and still not up to par.  

In the midst of all this, our normally cheerful and amiable Minnie, was uncharacteristically a little bear!  She was cranky and angry and not warming up to anyone.  She wanted to be held constantly and produced another low grade fever.  Mother Mary!  Make it stop! (May I interject here that by the end of this week she would have produced not one, not two but, THREE new teeth, two of them molars.)

By Saturday morning, I was insistent that Jean MUST go to the doctor.  She gave in, but only on the condition that WE not take her.  She was insistent that we go to the planned gathering.  So, she arranged for her dear friend to take her to the ER.  We agreed with the caveat that she would call us from the hospital the moment she had any diagnosis.  

Off to Annapolis we went, and we had a wonderful afternoon with so many dear and thoughtful friends.  We sat on Rick and Pat's screened in porch and enjoyed cold drinks, wonderful eats and sweet fellowship with a swarm of sweet friends.  There were pictures taken, horses nuzzled, walks in the forest, a dip in the pool for the kids, childhood friends reunited, lives caught up on, memories relived. Oh. It really was a slice of heaven  and I am so grateful for each one who came. Each and every one were a blessing. It is humbling to know they came to see us. 

And in the middle of it, a call from Jean.  They had taken her in immediately, hooked her up to an  IV to hydrate her and sent her home with the assurance that the virus would run its course. (Thank you, Lord!)


As the day wound down, our friends, some who drove great distances, made their way home.  There were lots of hugs and some tears.  Can I just say it was awesome?  I know that word is so overused. But, for me--it just was. 

Amanda and her girls proceeded back to Crofton and I stayed behind for my one must do. People!  A girl cannot visit Maryland without partaking in a meal of crabs from the Chesapeake. So, after they hosted this wonderful afternoon, Rick, Patricia and I went in search of a big brown paper bag full of freshly cooked crabs, covered in Old Bay spice.  Upon returning home, we covered their table with brown paper and newspapers.  Butter was melted.  Beer was poured.  Mallets were poised. Oh. My. Stars. Patricia says you have to eat crabs at least once a year to make sure your immune system is still intact.  Friends, they were every bit as wonderful as I had recalled. A lot of work for a little bit of crab, but worth every minute.  Try it. You'll thank me. 

When we had cracked all the crabs and eaten every delicious morsel, my hosts graciously drove me the 12 miles back to Crofton, via my favorite and most scenic drive, Route 450 , from Annapolis.  THE most beautiful drive through the most lush forest. By the time I got back, I walked into the site of  Jean, sitting upright with a smile on her face, in her chair, and Amanda at her feet, looking at photos from years gone by. A favorite featured the ever  fashionable Jean poised in front of a microphone, lead singer for a band, back when she and Jack were young. We listened as she shared stories of when Jack first called for a date and Jean telling her mom, "Oh, that Jack Irvin called."  Not excited.  She was a party girl and he was so quiet and--"boring"!  But, it turned out, they were perfect for each other.  Imagine that.   And they shared a wonderful life together.  This was what we had come so far to celebrate.  A life well lived in perfect harmony. 

Jean, Amanda and Minnie, "pre-storm"

Finally. We had done what we came to do.  Sharing in the sweetness of the life they made together.  Reminisce about dear Jack, the love of her life and our dear friend. It was the sweetest of times. 

We left the next afternoon.  In some ways is was the vacation from hell. (Yes, Minnie was cutting another tooth and yes, our flight was delayed. ) 
We were all a little testy on that flight home, as I recall.  But,  I can't help thinking that in spite of all the curve balls,  we lived our mission.  We went to show our love and hopefully some comfort to our dear friend.  Much of what we'd planned to do was shelved.  We didn't get to Heninger's but, we  did enjoy the key lime pie Jayne made and generously sent for us. Jean didn't get to take us shopping but, we had time to enjoy what was once our home town, to walk the parkway, swing on swings, take a peek at our old house, Amanda's first elementary school and enjoy sitting on Jean's deck under massive trees,  making a multitude of paper fans, singing songs and reading stories.    

When all was said and done, it was a vacation we'll never forget, with a friend who has made an imprint on our hearts that will never be erased. Mission accomplished.  



#grateful   

Why I'm Deleting The Good Wife from My Playlist

Let me start by saying I've been a fan of Julianna Margulies going back to her ER days with that Clooney guy.  She was captivating as Carol and I was thrilled to hear she was in a new series.

The premise of The Good Wife was immediately intriguing to me- a good woman done wrong by her corrupt husband and her battle to maintain her dignity, protect her children and build a new life for them and herself.  They had me hook, line and sinker.  I've been a fan from day one. 

The acting, cast and scripts have been consistently superb.  The cliff hangers never fail to take my breath away. (Will!)  Even so, today I deleted TGW from my DVR playlist.  And though I have been thoroughly entertained with every single episode, I had to do it.  

There are  many reasons, including the trivial treatment of and the ridiculous and trite references with regard to Christianity.  Additionally, the attorneys who blithely represent the worst of the worst;  drug dealers, murderers, liars, thieves and worse, don't seem to have any hesitation about making a living (and a good one at that) by defending and protecting those who prey on those weaker and less "connected'.  

How different this story might have been had at least one of the great characters had any misgivings about those issues. In the beginning, I had hoped that Alicia would find her way back to happiness and that she would bring some goodness to the ruthless partners in the law practice she joined.  I wished that she would be a roll model for her children, she who had for so long been  in the  shadow of a husband who failed to value the treasure that was their family.  

I guess I kept hoping that at some point, good would win out, at least once in a while.  It didn't happen. Still I watched faithfully.  So, what was the tipping point for me?  

Honestly, a big part of it was a conviction that has been tugging at my heart for a while- a sense that I spend  far too much of my precious time watching too much television in general.  Then,  I watched what was my final foray into TGW.  

It wasn't one thing. It was an accumulation of things.  When Alicia  agreed to run for State's Attorney knowing full well that her campaign seed money was "generously" provided by a ruthless drug king pin, I wondered what had happened to her.   Alicia's life is no longer admirable or hopeful or wistful.  She is a mess, out of touch with her children and with no loving  relationships outside of her workplace.  She has no support system.  She's a rock. She's charming but, with no warmth, regret or hope.  She's strong and controlled and beautiful on the outside. But, she's empty on the inside. 

Frankly, I realized that I no longer like Alicia. Instead, I pity her.   Furthermore,  there's not one character on the show I would want to be friends with.  While they are fascinating from a distance, they are individually and collectively out for themselves.  Loyalty only comes into play when it relates to their professional endeavors. There is no caring. No compassion. No goodness. None. Good isn't winning out over evil.   

Alicia has turned into her husband, Peter, and I cannot bear to watch it anymore.  I'm saying goodbye to the Good Wife because she isn't anymore. 

Grateful for the wake up call. I can do better. 

Epiphany~Only ONE

This might not sound like much,

But, I had this thought, today.

There is only One. 

'See,  I've been wrestling with a pretty big issue. 

In the midst of it, I've been looking for that one person,

That white knight  or fairy godmother, who would fix things.

You, know: 

Right what was wrong. 

Find the missing pieces.

Forgive every failure,

Redeem what was lost. 

I used all my power and influence and found it lacking. 

I reached out to this one and that, with no satisfactory response.

I complained. Grumbled. Whined. And yes, I even prayed.

 (imagine that.)

And, then, as if in answer to prayer,   I spied a new potential "savior" on the horizon.

 I secretly rejoiced- sure that they held the key

Confident that they would see all, know all and understand all clearly.

Yep.

They were gonna be the fixer-upper. 

But business as usual prevailed. 

Hope waned. 

Frustration grew.

Anger flared.

Disappointment turned to resignation.

And then it happened. 

The light bulb burst forth light.

There is only one Savior. 

Only. One. 

If I put my faith in any human being,

I will know disappointment. 

They will fail just as I so often do.

They will fall short and I will not feel heard or  respected or valued. 

There is no earthly one who will never fail. 

There is only One. 

Yesterday, today and forever. 

Only. One. 

And One's all I need. JESUS.

#gr8fulheart 

Ordinary Days~Extraordinary Moments

My heart is fairly bursting with gratitude today at the end of an ordinary week filled with extraordinary moments…

The realization of what a blessing it is to know your life's purpose (because when you understand that, you know where you're going and can enjoy the journey-no matter the twists and turns it may take to get there)

Genuine, heartfelt worship --(thank you Benny Oke and the Sounds of Worship)  (because when you enter into true worship, it's a joy that fills your soul and carries you for days!)

Protection from two near misses on the road (because sometimes it's out of your hands)

Laughing pillow to pillow with the husband before we slept last night (because it makes for sweet sleep and pleasant dreams)

Good work with good people living out a mission statement that matters (because that doesn't happen everywhere)

Little arms reaching up for me (because it's as good to hold as it is to be held)

Coming to grips with "what's the worst that could happen?" (because it makes me realize where my hope must always be and allows me to rest in that)

Texting with my girl late at night (because I love sharing her heart and knowing what to pray for her)

The realization that all my fears, insecurities, failures, struggles, pains and faults aren't meant to keep me down but to cause me to  lean into the One who can lift me up (Because sometimes I lose sight of the fact that He's the One who can redeem them)

#gr8fulheart

With all due respect, Oprah...

The sleeve on my chai tea featured an Oprah Winfrey quote:  

"Be more splendid. Be more extraordinary.  Use every moment to fill yourself up."

I'm sorry, Oprah.  But, with all due respect, you've got it wrong. 

The self-esteem movement has yielded us a generation of young adults who have grown up believing that they are the best, most special, finest, smartest and strongest in the history of the world. Splendid? Extraordinary?  I think not.  And, by the way--maybe it's time to stop spending every moment filling ourselves up and start emptying ourselves out. 

The God who walked this earth didn't consider Himself "splendid".  He didn't encourage us to be more "extraordinary" and He most certainly didn't tell us to spend every moment to fill ourselves up.  So, sorry, Oprah.  I know you mean well, but, the truth is, lots of well meaning folk speak a lot of drivel. It sounds nice, but, it's dead wrong.

Chew on this…

"For whoever exalts himself will be abased, and he who humbles himself will be exalted."  Jesus, Luke14:11

Jesus reminded us that "without Me you can do nothing."  John 15:5

We are not called to be splendid or extraordinary.  We are called to "have a walk worthy of the calling with which you were called."  Eph 4:1 

"Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind, let each esteem others better than himself." Phil 2:3

The goal, dear Oprah,  is not to be splendid. Not to be extraordinary. Not to puff ourselves up.  There's a whole lot of that all around us.  And, as your friend, Dr. Phil, might ask, "how's that working for ya?"

Some better advice might be found in Paul's letter to the Philippians.  The goal, he lays out is more about self-sacrifice than about self-love.  Less about grabbing all the gusto and more about pouring ourselves out as an offering of gratitude.  More about being a servant than being the center of the universe. Heck, he said it clearly-

"Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself.  He had equal status with God but didn't think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what.  Not at all. When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human!  Having become human, he stayed human.  It was an incredibly humbling process. He didn't claim special privilege Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and then died a selfless obedient death…Because of that obedience, God lifted him high and honored him far beyond anyone or anything, ever." (Phil. 2:7-9 The Message)

We are tempted day and night by the ways of this world. To be the best, to make the most, to attain fame, to be magnificent or splendid or extraordinary.  But, none of that comes by filling ourselves up, but, instead by being filled up by the Holy Spirit of a Holy God who fills us with His power, enabling us to step back and step down in order that He might be glorified.  

It's a battle to step back from it.  We are bombarded by those encouraging us to focus on ourselves.  It sounds good, but it's not right.  

My challenge?

Be more humble. Be more self-sacrificing. Use every moment to give yourself away.

Now that would be both splendid and extraordinary.  

#grateful

Savoring Sixty

A mere 10 years ago, my 50th birthday slipped by, practically unnoticed in the hubbub of the daughter's impending wedding.  A year later, said daughter planned a surprise soiree to mark #51 where I was blessed by the presence and the presents of dear friends and family who came to celebrate with me.  This year, I've crossed over to a new decade. Oh. My.


To mark it, the husband and the daughter pulled off the most amazing surprise, the night before Easter at our favorite place with our favorite people.  What an amazing event and how blessed I was! It was a slice of wonderful.  My heart was so full!  But, after the party, comes the growing older part…

Were the fifties fabulous? I'd say so.  There was  a major home remodel, a  job change, a corneal transplant,  new ministry opportunities, two beautiful new granddaughters, multiple trips to places near  and far as well as the trip of a lifetime to Italy with the husband. Not that it was all rainbows and light…in the same time frame, loss and sorrow visited, too.  We lost all four of our parents in this decade, rendering us middle aged orphans.  And that feels very odd, indeed.

Still. It's been a pretty great ten years.

As I contemplated sixty, there was no regret--no wishing I were 22 or 32 or 42 or even 52.  I am not unaware that I am growing older.  Lord knows. with the ridiculous amount of magnification needed to put on my make-up every morning,  I can clearly see the lines and crevices on my once taut and dewy face. Every. One. Of. Them.

I stopped coloring my hair more nearly five years back and  gave up high heels in lieu of flats for the most part over the last two or three.  I've seen a chiropractor with some regularity for various ailments, from my back to my shoulders to my ankles.  I conquered anemia and now am low on calcium and a little high on the cholesterol.  Yes,  a little schizophrenic, I know.   I have repeatedly lost the same 15 pounds but, it keeps finding me.  I do find that a little irritating, I confess.

I look back at photos when I was in my 20's and 30's.  I didn't know it then, but, today they'd call me "hot". Who knew?  As a younger woman, I was far more apt to compare myself unfavorably to others vs knowing  that I had something unique and precious to offer, just by being myself, the one created exactly as she was intended to be.  Additionally, I was living for myself, for the pleasures of this life  vs living a life with the purpose that centers me today.

I guess you could say, for me, life really did "begin" at 40.  Or, perhaps, it began anew.  Reconciliation of a marriage, a return to the West Coast, sharing the responsibility of raising a daughter, navigating the trials and tribulations of said marriage and rebuilding a life together through all the perilous curves and detours  along the way.  To say it was often tumultuous would be a gross understatement.  And yet, I knew that I had been called by the One who first called me His own. And so, I persevered, often on my knees, always trusting  that He was faithful despite my weakness.

Thus began the road home. A road littered with both joy and disappointment,  sorrow and  laughter, anger and  kindness, smiles and tears,  but, also a stubborn tenacity.  A road with mile markers called faith, hope and love. Along the way, love grew, prayers were answered, tears cleansed and wounds were healed. We pressed on in faith.  We grew in grace and it was good.

So, when I look back, I wouldn't trade my flats for those beautiful heels, nor the grey for the striking brunette I used to be…not  the extra pounds I've gained for the curves now blurred. I wouldn't trade the life I have, the faith I've gained, the wisdom gleaned or the contentment I feel for the idol known as youth. It's a facade I no longer feel compelled to keep up. I surrender.  I am in a new place, a better place, the right place.  I am not looking back with regret for that which has passed, but, instead,  forward to that which I know will be immeasurably richer and fuller.  It already is.  An unexpected gift. Yes, contentment.

I embrace sixty. I acknowledge,without regret, that any sense of control is most certainty  an illusion.  I no longer expect "happily ever after" but treasure every moment of happiness, knowing it comes and it goes.  I rest in the expectation that my God is in control and I am not.   Entering one's seventh decade is a reminder that life is speeding by and that some traveling partners have, and will continue to, fall by the wayside. There are no guarantees that those I love will continue to walk alongside me or, for that matter, that I will be here to travel with them,  come tomorrow.  With this passing of time, sorrow and loss is inevitable.

Heaven is my destination and I'm headed there, sooner or later. Mostly, I hope it's later, but,  I realize I don't get to choose, when or how. My goal is to be ready when He calls.   For now, as the apostle Paul said, in his letter to the Philippians,  " I press on...forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead.  I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."  I trust (as Paul continued in chapter three) "our citizenship is in Heaven…we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body to be like His glorious body.." Now that's something to look forward to.

Yes. I am pressing on, delighted to be at this stage of this journey He has planned for me. Grateful for every mountain and every valley, every struggle and every joy.  All have been markers along the way that brought me to this place.  And it's been a beautiful life thus far. A treasure.

So. Very. Grateful.