Savoring Sixty

A mere 10 years ago, my 50th birthday slipped by, practically unnoticed in the hubbub of the daughter's impending wedding.  A year later, said daughter planned a surprise soiree to mark #51 where I was blessed by the presence and the presents of dear friends and family who came to celebrate with me.  This year, I've crossed over to a new decade. Oh. My.


To mark it, the husband and the daughter pulled off the most amazing surprise, the night before Easter at our favorite place with our favorite people.  What an amazing event and how blessed I was! It was a slice of wonderful.  My heart was so full!  But, after the party, comes the growing older part…

Were the fifties fabulous? I'd say so.  There was  a major home remodel, a  job change, a corneal transplant,  new ministry opportunities, two beautiful new granddaughters, multiple trips to places near  and far as well as the trip of a lifetime to Italy with the husband. Not that it was all rainbows and light…in the same time frame, loss and sorrow visited, too.  We lost all four of our parents in this decade, rendering us middle aged orphans.  And that feels very odd, indeed.

Still. It's been a pretty great ten years.

As I contemplated sixty, there was no regret--no wishing I were 22 or 32 or 42 or even 52.  I am not unaware that I am growing older.  Lord knows. with the ridiculous amount of magnification needed to put on my make-up every morning,  I can clearly see the lines and crevices on my once taut and dewy face. Every. One. Of. Them.

I stopped coloring my hair more nearly five years back and  gave up high heels in lieu of flats for the most part over the last two or three.  I've seen a chiropractor with some regularity for various ailments, from my back to my shoulders to my ankles.  I conquered anemia and now am low on calcium and a little high on the cholesterol.  Yes,  a little schizophrenic, I know.   I have repeatedly lost the same 15 pounds but, it keeps finding me.  I do find that a little irritating, I confess.

I look back at photos when I was in my 20's and 30's.  I didn't know it then, but, today they'd call me "hot". Who knew?  As a younger woman, I was far more apt to compare myself unfavorably to others vs knowing  that I had something unique and precious to offer, just by being myself, the one created exactly as she was intended to be.  Additionally, I was living for myself, for the pleasures of this life  vs living a life with the purpose that centers me today.

I guess you could say, for me, life really did "begin" at 40.  Or, perhaps, it began anew.  Reconciliation of a marriage, a return to the West Coast, sharing the responsibility of raising a daughter, navigating the trials and tribulations of said marriage and rebuilding a life together through all the perilous curves and detours  along the way.  To say it was often tumultuous would be a gross understatement.  And yet, I knew that I had been called by the One who first called me His own. And so, I persevered, often on my knees, always trusting  that He was faithful despite my weakness.

Thus began the road home. A road littered with both joy and disappointment,  sorrow and  laughter, anger and  kindness, smiles and tears,  but, also a stubborn tenacity.  A road with mile markers called faith, hope and love. Along the way, love grew, prayers were answered, tears cleansed and wounds were healed. We pressed on in faith.  We grew in grace and it was good.

So, when I look back, I wouldn't trade my flats for those beautiful heels, nor the grey for the striking brunette I used to be…not  the extra pounds I've gained for the curves now blurred. I wouldn't trade the life I have, the faith I've gained, the wisdom gleaned or the contentment I feel for the idol known as youth. It's a facade I no longer feel compelled to keep up. I surrender.  I am in a new place, a better place, the right place.  I am not looking back with regret for that which has passed, but, instead,  forward to that which I know will be immeasurably richer and fuller.  It already is.  An unexpected gift. Yes, contentment.

I embrace sixty. I acknowledge,without regret, that any sense of control is most certainty  an illusion.  I no longer expect "happily ever after" but treasure every moment of happiness, knowing it comes and it goes.  I rest in the expectation that my God is in control and I am not.   Entering one's seventh decade is a reminder that life is speeding by and that some traveling partners have, and will continue to, fall by the wayside. There are no guarantees that those I love will continue to walk alongside me or, for that matter, that I will be here to travel with them,  come tomorrow.  With this passing of time, sorrow and loss is inevitable.

Heaven is my destination and I'm headed there, sooner or later. Mostly, I hope it's later, but,  I realize I don't get to choose, when or how. My goal is to be ready when He calls.   For now, as the apostle Paul said, in his letter to the Philippians,  " I press on...forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead.  I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."  I trust (as Paul continued in chapter three) "our citizenship is in Heaven…we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body to be like His glorious body.." Now that's something to look forward to.

Yes. I am pressing on, delighted to be at this stage of this journey He has planned for me. Grateful for every mountain and every valley, every struggle and every joy.  All have been markers along the way that brought me to this place.  And it's been a beautiful life thus far. A treasure.

So. Very. Grateful.

Full Moon

Thank you Jesus for small gifts throughout this day

Raisin toast and hot coffee

The voice of my little one

Arms to comfort those who grieve 

Hope in the midst of defeat

Warm scarves around my neck

A firm bed to sleep in

A visit from a friend

Encouraging words
Courage

Contentment 

and

A grateful heart.

Good Night, Moon.

You've never looked so beautiful. 

The Lion Roars, But The Light Shines

What is more precious than the knowledge that the mercy of our God falls new upon us, every morning? Every. Morning.

…because as sure as the sun will rise tomorrow, it won't be long before something will catch us off guard, kick us in the gut, take our very breath away and leave us gasping for air.

We are told in 1 Peter 5 to be sober. Vigilant... "Because our adversary, the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking who he may devour." 

We live our lives,  mostly unaware of the forces of darkness that are pushing the boundaries, seeking to put out the light.  And though the light cannot be diminished, the lion roars .  And when it does, we must be vigilant, holding fast to the truth, eyes fixed on Jesus.

"The Light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it." (John 1:5)

Even so, the lion roars. And looks for every opportunity to strike.

In the midst of our gasping, as our legs give out and we find ourselves unable to even scream for help, we must fix our eyes on Him. And though the lion roars, we will not be devoured.  Light will shine in the darkness because the darkness has not overcome it. He said so.

Hence, the prophet Jeremiah's confession of faith…

"Remember my affliction and roaming.  
The wormwood and the gall.
My soul still remembers
And sinks within me.
This I recall to my mind,
Therefore I have hope.

Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed,
Because His compassions fail not.
They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness
The Lord is my portion, says my soul, 
Therefore I hope in Him !

The Lord is good to those who wait for Him,
To the soul who seeks Him.
It is good that one should hope and wait quietly
For the salvation of the Lord.

~Lamentations 3:19-26

Grateful for legs to stand on…eyes to see…light to show the way and His mercy and compassion that is new.

 Every. Single. Morning.

Living in a Postmodern Culture While Embracing Truth

Of late, I am  often been reminded of the old hymn which says,

"This world is not my home, I'm just a passin' through…"

There are days, when that, alone, keeps me moving forward. We've got to get to the other side, right?

Upside down:  What once was honored, is now despised...

Think: modesty, respect for authority, motherhood, fatherhood, faith, "Father Knows Best," hard work, marriage, living within your means, innocence, humility, truth, soft hearts, discretion, depth, honor, patriotism, politeness, reverence, respect, absolutes, gentleness, distinction of roles, sexual purity, family, children, the elderly, wisdom...

And on the flip side,  what once was despised is honored...

Think:  narcissism,  impulsiveness,  pridefulness, self-esteem,  arrogance, greed, slander, pleasure seeking, independence, lack of commitment, gossip, aggressiveness,  crude language, victim mentality, meaningless sex with unlimited partners, anger, relativism, sarcasm, political correctness, tolerance of anything and everything…

We live in a culture where money and self aggrandizement is king. Selfies.  Front page news is now who has won what award-entertainers collectively patting one another on the back.  It's not enough that we buy their music and see their films and shows, so,  they honor each other with obsequious award shows we all watch with baited breath.  If we aren't watching that, we're watching TMZ, Entertainment Tonight, The Insider,  or reading People Magazine (guilty as charged).

We are lied to by our leaders; elected to represent us and honor our values in the government forum.
We are demeaned for our faith and marginalized by our unwillingness to tolerate every passing fancy. We are called "hateful" for stating biblical truths and considered "out of touch" for wanting to maintain the innocence of our children.  If we disagree, no matter how respectfully, we are termed "haters".

Kindergartners are subjected to "Say No to Drugs" when the only drugs they've been exposed to is Children's Tylenol.  In addition to fire drills, there are drills to prepare for "lock downs", "in case the bad guys come in".  We are terrifying our most innocent segment and teaching them about  sexual preference before they're out of elementary school. And then, we are mocked for promoting school choice or (God forbid!) homeschooling.

It takes every ounce of focus in each of us to keep our eyes on the prize. And if you doubt me, chew on this a while:

"For the word of the cross is folly to hose who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. For it is written,

 I will destroy the wisdom of the wise, and the discernment of the discerning I will thwart.  

Where is the one who is wise?  Where is the scribe?  Where is the debater of this age?  Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? For since, in the wisdom of God, the world did not know God through wisdom, it pleased God through the folly of what we preach to save those who believe.  For Jews demand signs and Greeks seek wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified, a stumbling block to Jews and folly to Gentiles, but to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God.  For the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men.  

For consider your calling, brothers, not many of you were wise according to worldly standard, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth.  But God chose what is foolish in he world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong.  God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. "

...1 Corinthians 1:18-29

We are not of this world, but we are living in it.  And while we are, we must fight the good fight.  We must not get too comfortable and  conform to the standards of this post-modern culture we are living in. We must stand, boldly, unafraid and resolute. Salt and Light. Fearless tranquility in the midst of a raging storm. In, but not of. We are called not to "fit in" but,  to be set apart.

This world is NOT our home.  But, while we're passing through, Lord help us to stand for truth and to minister to a world in desperate need of the love of the  Savior.

Grateful, Indeed

Twice Blessed!

The countdown to Thanksgiving begins…In three days, there will be 15 gathered around our table, a smaller crowd than usual, but many of our nearest and dearest will join in. As I contemplate the tasks to be completed, I am reminded of the reason we rejoice…the many things we have to be grateful for. So, indulge me, if you will as I recount some of my greatest blessings…

I'm thankful for all the gatherings around our great, big, white dining table. It's not fancy, but it's massive! We love each one who has surrounded it and are grateful for those who will be with us this holiday and for those who will not... for those who will return and those who have gone on to an eternal feast of Thanksgiving... for every friend, family member and visitor. You are the reason we built this room and purchased this table. You make our home a gathering place enabling us to practice hospitality. We love you for that! #fullhearts

Venice

This is the husband and I, on a trip of a lifetime. It's one we saved,  planned and hoped for over a period of many years. This year it finally happened, at a time when we were able to enjoy it in a way we wouldn't have any earlier.  We experienced Italy, the home of his ancestors, with our favorite travel partners, Dan & Nan, and made memories that are forever embedded in our hearts.  Sigh….. #beyond beautiful




Someone recently said to me, that had he realized how wonderful grandchildren were, he'd have wanted to grow older, sooner.  I concur!  Our Ruby has been a joy since day one, and this year we were blessed with her baby sister, Minnie Eloise.  I could go on indefinitely, but, a picture is worth a thousand words, right?  #therearen't enoughwords

In late summer, we were blessed to be able to share in a family reunion with the Herndon clan, my mother's family, in Montana, AKA, Big Sky Country.  Ruby was able to accompany us and it was pure delight to see her interact with the many loved ones who have so impacted my life.  Spending time there, where I formed such sweet memories with ones I love so much and who have been such a source of joy and encouragement was so big, so rich and so treasured. #homesweethome

She walks the line...

Ru with her new friend at The Thunderball Ranch

Now in my mind, it goes without saying, but I would be remiss if I didn't say it. So here it is, friends:  I owe everything to the saving power of the blood of Jesus.  I am eternally thankful  for His Word, which  fills me up  daily, preparing me for whatever lies ahead.  Also, for His Holy Spirit who comforts, guides and sustains me;  for His church who surrounds, encourages and supports me,  and for His presence which is constant.  This is the foundation of everything that I am or ever hope to be.  My Rock.  With Him, I have everything I need. #well,ALMOST… ;-)

 

I'm exceedingly grateful for His mercy and grace.  This year He has sustained cherished loved ones who have battled illness, grief and loss.  I am thankful for those who remain and for those who have left this world. Full circle. #thisworldisnotmyhome

Thank you Lord, for every gift…

The beauty of creation….

for great art...

for travel and travel partners...

For family  (circa 1965)…
AND...
friends, work, a place to call home, a bed to lie down in, a life that is rich.

Francis Chan said it best….

We're FILTHY rich!

What Remains

aberration (ab-uh-rey-shuhn)

1.  deviation from what is usual or normal
2.  mental unsoundness

How often we get swallowed up by the aberration- the exception;  the one thing that is not going our way.  So much so,  that we lose sight of all that is good, all that is right, all that  is true and just.  If we could somehow stop to view the bigger picture, perhaps then we could see that often,  that  one segment is overshadowing all that is still good.  But--sometimes that is hard to see.

It's true...some things truly are all consuming.  The loss of a child or a spouse, a broken marriage, financial ruin--  all  have the potential to overwhelm.   I have friends who have suffered the untimely loss of  a beloved child.  This is a loss capable of  shattering an otherwise stable life.  There are no words adequate to speak to it-- so much so that the surviving parent is crushed with pain and consumed with their loss.  Sadly, they can, in a sense lose everything that remains, because they cannot see through their tears, that which is still in front of them. I can imagine no loss greater. It is unthinkable-unimaginable and yet--to lose what remains is a tragedy of it's own.  

Why is it that we are so drawn to the pain of our losses?  This pain obscures everything else.  Like a magnet seeking a mate... a  tongue seeking a broken tooth, we are inescapably drawn to it, so much so that we can forget to treasure and nurture what is good...to acknowledge that there are still blessings to count.  The discomfort is so distracting that we struggle to get beyond it.

It is understandable that we may lose sight of the good that remains.  Grief and loss take time to work through.  A lot of time   There are no short cuts.  Even so, we  must navigate through it, with great care.  Most often we are unskilled laborers. We have no experience to compare our journey to.  We have never traveled this road before and we didn't make plans or reservations for the trip we find ourselves on.  Yet, the road must be travelled.

Major loss is a game changer-a turning point, a membership in a club no one ever wants to join.   It has to be an event so breathtaking that it cannot be contained, leaving us gasping for breath yet not wanting to breathe.  Only faith can carry one through such heartache. Only the peace that passes understanding. Because there IS no understanding such things.

Even so, there is no other life to live  other than the one we've been given.  Despite the wake up call that makes you want to throw the clock through a window, shattering glass everywhere, we must press on. And- when others grow weary of drawing near  to us because of the dangerous shards surrounding us,  we must press in.  We must persevere to the other side.

Lord help us, not to shrink back from this pain but to press into it... to be in community, not just with those who have shared a similar grief, but, with each one you place in our lives.  Help us to be grateful for those devoted to walking through this horror with us until we stand on firmer ground.  Comfort us in our loss and help us to not lose sight of what remains.  Remind us that our loss is heaven's gain.  And help us  to never wish back what you have lovingly taken.  Help us to cherish the gifts of memory you have implanted in our brains, but to live the lives you have given us with the companions you have placed in our midst.

Comfort us. Strengthen us. And help us to live wisely and for Your glory.  For  whatever time remains and for all those who need our love and attention while we are here, help us to look forward more and in the rearview mirror less...to cherish every sweet memory but not to miss out on what you have for us in the here and now.

Thank you, Lord, for what remains.

It is Good

I love Sunday mornings.  I work Tuesday through Saturday, so,  it's the beginning of my weekend.  We go to church on Friday nights, so,  Sunday mornings are pretty luxurious here at Mandish Manor.

I get to sleep in and wake up, usually to birds singing, the tree outside my window swaying and sunshine pouring through my window.  The coffee is ready, thanks to my faithful husband, and I pour it in to one of my favorite cups (I love cups).  I carry a steaming cup upstairs, to nestle back in bed with coffee, lap top, journal and books surrounding me.

And it is good. 

I love to think about the week before...all that has transpired and I give thanks.  For those who have come across my path, for the good words I have heard, for the opportunities to keep silent when it was wise to do so and when I responded appropriately and  for the failures when I didn't, because they remind me that I am but dust and haven't quite arrived.

That, too, is good.

For the sweet children I held and spoke to and heard from.  For a call from a friend just to catch up and share with, for the families I helped while at work and the note of thanks from one of them, reminding me that mine is not a mere job, but a high calling.  For those who are sick and who I get to lift in prayer and encourage in small ways. For reminders that we are in this together.

Yes. It's good.

For friendships forged, for friendships maintained and for friendships still growing.  For so many beautiful women in my life...quirky ones, thoughtful ones, deep thinkers, big laughers, generous hearts and kindness personified...I love them all so much.  Putting faces with names, names with faces and brand new faces and names.  We are a garden blooming together.

So good. 

Just a little botox party among  friends!

For secrets shared and fears exposed and trust given.  For feeling at home in a home that is mine but that was given by Him. For ministry that happens when the doors are flung open and people walk in.  That we can walk out changed, because even in the midst of the laughter and  the conversation and good food and beautiful flowers and, yes,  a little bit of chaos- somehow, He comes and dwells among us.

Oh. It is good. 

For sorrows and set backs and trials and infirmity, for they remind me to cast all my cares upon Him and to trust in the Everlasting Arms.  Sometimes this is very hard, but, you guessed it-

Very good. 

Not always easy, not always sweet. Not always pleasant.

But always good. 

Because He is. 

Grateful

Very good.