I am nearing 58. No spring chicken, I acknowledge. Just today, my granddaughter Ruby, age 3, told her Daddy to be careful around me while he played on her Scooter, because, "Ommie is old". Oh. My. Gravy. Yes, I am getting older, even if I don't consider myself to be officially old quite yet.
So, the point is, I've been around awhile. Long enough to know better, as the saying goes. Question is, why do I still go into tailspins over change and disruptions in life? When is that wisdom thing going to finally kick in?
Late last year, rumors were swirling around that more changes were coming to my workplace. My full-time associate would be reduced to a schedule of three days a week. My work load was bound to increase and I was already working excessive hours. Changes were being made in the way I'd be doing my job. I was not happy and I made it known to anyone who would listen. I threw a bit of a hissy fit, truth be known.
Anger turned to frustration and then, frustration to acceptance. I didn't like it, but I saw the changes were inevitable. I focused on how to make the best of it. I helped find additional hours elsewhere for my co-worker. I made a decision to resign from a mentoring position which had taken time away from my primary work responsibilities while not compensating me anything additional. I vowed to work fewer hours and to trust God for the outcome. I was determined to find some balance in my life, despite the changes at work.
Thirty days into the changes that had me in a tailspin. a funny thing has happened. The entire month of January I have worked under 45 hours per week. That is a major big deal for this woman. I have been able to get to church on time every Friday night. I've met my husband for dinner on a whim, more than once, instead of begging off because I'm "too busy." I've learned to be more efficient and more productive working on my own. But most of all, I've been reminded, that the Lord is faithful.
In retrospect, I see that all the changes I went into a tizzy over, were intended for my good. Mind you, I am well aquainted with Romans 8:28 which says, in a nut shell, that all things work together for good for those who love Him and who are called according to His purposes. I have counted that verse among my favorites for, let's see-- decades? How is it that someone who claims to love Him, to be called for His purposes and to believe He has my good in mind, can so easily lose sight of that and temporarily lose my oh so fragile mind when someone rocks my boat a little?
Oh me, of little faith. I am here to confess, it was indeed, "Much Ado About Nothing". He knew exactly what He was doing. He used my employer, and my circumstances, my bad attitude and my weariness to get me exactly where he wanted me. He knew what it would take to get me out of what had become a comfort zone and into the zone He wanted me in. He knew. He always does.
Once I got over my little fit, I stepped back, adjusted my perspective and walked forward in faith. I see now, that all the changes I whined about were intended for my best. I am now working less, working smarter and trusting Him for the results instead of my own extra efforts. He has proven faithful and is blessing the work of my hands. I see now that it was false pride that caused me to put in too many hours and to think that I had to do things or they wouldn't be done right. In my mind, I was doing something noble and praise worthy. I now see how wrong and misguided I was.
It's not about me, how good I am or how hard I work. It's certainly not about how many hours I put in. I still work diligently and I give 100%, but I work less, because I finally get that He has other things for me to do at home and at church and in my community. Finally, I'm paying attention. Finally, I acknowledge that my successes are not about me and my talent or ability. It's all about Him and what He chooses to do in me and through me. My job is to be faithful. The results are in His hands. I'm counting on it.
More of Jesus. Less of Me. Yes.